with heart

this week kicks off the fall semester. bryan works long shifts at the library as they prepare for the arriving students, and i have a few faculty meetings/"retreats" to attend. i have a great schedule this semester--only one class on campus, the rest online--so i'll only be away from the girls six hours a week, and bryan will be with them during that time, since our work schedules puzzle-piece together that way.

as thankful as i am for my light work schedule this semester, i am struggling this week. we're in an odd economic bracket where we don't have one of us making enough for a parent to stay home full time or for daycare, but we do make enough for one of us to be part-time.

right now that one happens to be bryan, though we don't know what the future will hold. i am thankful that the girls get to spend time with him while i am at work, and that he is humble enough to provide for our family in that way (because providing for a family is about everyone chipping in to do their part, not necessarily just a financial thing).

but sometimes i get overwhelmed. it is hard work keeping up with a full time job and two-under-two, not to mention keeping house, writing, and nurturing my relationship with bryan. the hardest work i have ever done.  some semesters, like this past spring, leave me tired and beaten down. they leave me afraid that i won't be able to bear the weight of it all, to work in these roles God has given me.

so this week i've been dwelling on a verse a dear friend emailed me for encouragement:

 "whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as until the Lord, not unto men."

there are definitely going to be times this semester where i drop the ball--burn dinner, forget to brush the girls hair, turn in papers a week late, what have you, there are going to be mistakes, and that is something i need to accept because i'm not called to do it all perfectly, i'm called to do it heartily

i like the king james version of that verse-- heartily, meaning vigorously, cheerfully, with zest and zeal and passion. whatever i am doing this semester, i want to do it heartily--whether its playing ponies with zu on our living room floor or teaching metaphor, when i am there i want to be all there. because ultimately, all of this is for the Lord.