a day in the life

even with a long day, it takes longer for me to meltdown and cry along with the baby than it did when i was a new mom. june sure broke me tonight.

june is more sensitive than zu. she gets upset when we go to someone's house, she gets upset when she's held by too many different people, she gets upset when toddlers other than zu try to play with her. she's my sensitive, shy girl, and i love that about her because i understand being like that, being around a lot of people is tiring for me too, but it also makes things hard at this stage because she can't understand and can't be comforted sometimes when she gets really worked up.

like every morning since the time change, i got up with the girls (both--they wake up at the same time) at 5:30. bryan gets up with june during her 1am and 3am wakings, because she sleeps in 3hr increments, on bad nights 2 and 1hr increments, and bryan and i split it up. now that i'm only nursing 2x a day, he gets all wake-ups between 11pm and 4am, and i get all wakeups before 11 and after 4. this works out much better than me getting up every single time.

i tried to keep the girls quiet as possible--hard to do when my just-learning-to-talk zu still hasn't quite learned to whisper or what inside and outside voice means--while bryan slept in a bit and rested up after the long night. bryan got up around 8, so i threw on come clothes, brushed zu's teeth, and took her with me out into the chilly morning to the grocery store to pick up a few things for our church homegroup we host on friday nights.

when i got home i made bryan and zu breakfast, had my second cup of coffee, put zu down for an early nap, and finally finally finally got some alone time with bryan. then i went up to school to hold office hours for planning and grading and to teach my creative writing class.

since i'm only on campus a couple of hours this semester, i got home right as zu was getting up from nap. she starts squealing mommymommymommy as soon as she hears the car pulling up the driveway, and as i walk up the steps i can see her little nose squished up against the stained glass window to the right of our front door.

after a bit of catching up with bryan, i got the girls ready and we went to my friend rachel's house for a playdate while bryan left for work. somehow i ended up wearing two different shoes (at least both dark colored?). the coffee mugs were all dirty, probably from how much coffee i put away daily, so i took a sippy cup filled with coffee for the car. coffee #3 of the day.

this is where things got bad with june--she cried the entire way there, cried most of the time we were there, cried the entire way back. i've started listening to npr when i'm stuck in the car with june wailing because she doesn't want to be in the car--it helps to focus on their pleasant smooth voices and try to tune out the wailing.

so, when we got to rachel's, i went through the checklist--is she hungry, wet, cold, hot, uncomfortable? but she was just overwhelmed and sleepy. we stayed a bit so zu could play with her little buddy, but really june was getting inconsolable, so we left a little earlier than planned.

after getting her home, i tried to put her down but she wailed for as long as i'm comfortable doing cry-it-out (15min is my max), nursed her, got spit up on, rocked her, bounced her, walked with her. zu luckily was happy to play on her own after she had dinner (though she did smear her dinner all over the table and her face while i was distracted), so i could focus on june.

i laid june down while i got zu ready for bed (june wailed), then tried all her comfort things again--rocking, nursing, etc--to no avail, then, finally, gave her some fever&pain reliever (should have pulled this out earlier, honestly), and after that kicked in the rocking finally worked and she SLEPT.

of course that wasn't the end of my day--still there was dishes, grading, laundry, and a jillianmichaels workout (30dayshred, day11).

some weeks i look forward to the schedule-free weekends like a cool drink of water on a hot day. i need rest.  i know that i have so many blessings--i'm thankful for my two healthy, beautiful girls--but sometimes the weight of blessings is heavy. and tonight i am tired.


  1. Oh friend, I wish I could give you a hug and we could laugh our way through 30 Day Shred together!

    1. me too!! today kicked my butt!

  2. Wow! You amaze me. I can't believe how much you do. I haven't been exercising at all lately, but I do take the boys on walks a lot, so maybe that counts? I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. I've been there and it's tough because most people don't understand. I remember at The Bridge we would miss our house group a lot because we would get halfway there and Milo would be literally inconsolable and we would have to turn around. We would text them and they would laugh and say, "We've all had crying babies--you should come!" but it was always a situation where I knew I would be locked in a room by myself with Milo while he wailed and wailed and I would rather have just been at home than to console him at someone else's house, missing everything anyway. I really understand! Fever & pain reliever is great for those inconsolable days, too. The way you worded it is just right--"sometimes the weight of blessings is heavy." Children are such blessings and I wouldn't trade my life for any other life, but sometimes you do get tired!