i took a two hour nap with zu today. she woke up from her afternoon nap asking for mommy and when i picked her up and she put her head on my shoulder, i thought i'd lie down with her for just a little in our room. she put her head on my belly, and we fell asleep. i woke up two hours later with the afternoon sunlight streaming in on us, first through the pines shading our backyard then through the gauzy white curtains that never did much for keeping the sunlight out. i rarely get to look at her sleeping. so calm, still. the perfect peachycream of her skin, the long black lashes, goldblonde hair. every once in a while she reached out to stroke my arm, just to make sure that i was still there. my first baby. she made me a mother and in doing so changed me in a way that nothing else can. i spent some time praying over her, as she stretched and stirred in her almost-awake, half-asleep drowse. praying that she'll never feel replaced, neglected, or doubt how much we love her, with the newbaby coming home. for a while, when she was still drifting off, she rested her head on my belly, and i could feel both my girls, right there, with me. i'm so thankful.