living in the gap (and i don't mean the clothing store)

in our church small group, we've been talking the past few weeks about how everyone in our group seems to be living in some kind of "gap"--waiting on God, trusting in God, hoping in God for jobs, finances, life decisions.

one of the guys told us how canaan, God's promised land to his people, was fertile, but had no river, which made it completely dependent on rain for its fertility--for the israelites to live there, they would always be dependent and waiting on God for their needs.

but God led them there. he meant for them to be constantly dependent, never having-made-it.

for me, i know that there have been so many times in my life where i thought "if only ___ happens, then everything will be great" (implied: forever). but another gap emerges, and i'm left trusting again.

i'm starting to learn that there will never be this mythical time when i won't need to trust God for everything.


i'm still praying hard for a job for bryan. his degree is in music ministry, but we're in a church (we love, love, love) where not even the pastor is paid full-time. that is confusing--what does God have for us? where is he supposed to work? are we supposed to stay in this city?

right now we have the luxury of time--there's no urgency in our waiting, we're tight with our money and should be able to make it ok with another baby.

but we know that this situation isn't going to work forever, with bryan working nights, part-time; not if we want to grow our family even more in the next five years. he's pursued a few avenues and will pursue more the next year; what we're struggling with is should all his applications be here or should they be elsewhere too. should he send out to every possibility or plan on staying?

bryan likes to say it feels more like we're building roots here, not wings; my first thought, as nomadic as we've been the past five years, is if there aren't any doors in this city, there are plenty more cities to pick from in the world.

i'm praying God will give us wisdom and make it clear to us in the next year or so what we need to do, what's best for our girls. i love the life that we've developed here in just a short year--but i also trust that if God wants us to move, he'll have something special for us wherever we go.


  1. So true: "i'm starting to learn that there will never be this mythical time when i won't need to trust God for everything."

    I'll be praying that God gives you guys clarity - and that He gives you a peace about staying if that is His will or Bryan a peace about moving if that is His will.

    Tyson is like Bryan - he doesn't like moving and he'd be fine to stay in our house forever. I like adventures, though, and I'd be fine with a change of scenery or even moving to a different city or state. We've lived in the same place for coming up on two years now, our longest time ever to live in one house, and I really struggle with cabin fever a lot of times, even though what we have is not only sufficient, but beyond what we technically need.

    I didn't realize your pastor was even part-time - maybe, in time, Bryan will be offered a full-time job once they can afford it. :) That would be pretty awesome.

  2. thank you for the prayers! we don't know right now if its just a matter of waiting it out for opportunity or if its elsewhere--we're just going to be open-minded and praying that God make it obvious for us!

  3. I love this post, especially the line that Heather also quoted in her comment. That is something I am having to learn as well.

    I know it must be so frustrating/confusing for Bryan trying to figure out what his calling looks like when he can't put it into place in a full-time kind of way. I will pray for wisdom and peace for both of you.