19 weeks!

weekly update/
feeling good. halfway(almost) there. i've had lots of strange dreams lately--i was writing them down, but i have usually two or three a night so it became too much to keep up with. also. i think my belly is starting to almost get into the cute stage--so expect pictures soon.


i read through a book about nursing this past week; a good bit of it was helpful, particularly the advice on how to handle undealt-with emotions about the first-time-around. one of the things the book recommends is journaling about it, so i'm giving that a try. i've tried to talk about it and write about it, but unless the person i'm talking to is another woman who has been through it, then i feel like it is impossible for them to really understand. there are so many thoughts that run through the mind when it doesn't work--mistrust in the capability of your body, anger at yourself, feeling like a failure as a mother. before it comes time for the next baby, i need to get to a place where if it doesn't work out, i'll be fine.


journaling has somehow led to listing. i love to make lists. so right now i am working on my list of rules for myself pre-and-post baby. there were things i did last time--like trying to immediately cook and clean and housekeep just like i used to pre-baby, right after zu was born--that i have no intention of doing this time. that i will Not Allow myself to do this time. some of them are nursing related, but many of them are just for-the-sake-of-my-sanity related. a few items from the list:

10. REST--cooking and cleaning can wait!
11. If well-meaning people start asking questions or giving advice that makes you uncomfortable or stressed, end the conversation.
12. Wear jammies, lots of jammies.

its not in any particular order. i plan on adding to the list as journaling reveals more things that i need to add to the list.


thursday is my next ultrasound--we'll find out the gender! any guesses? bryan and i both think we're having another girl, but bryan hopes for a boy. if i have to say i hope one way or another, it's for another girl, but that is probably because i love zu so much and want her doubled. either way, we're just excited to have another cutefaced baby running around this house! 


  1. I think your list is great...and I think it's great you aren't going to stress out about losing baby weight so much this time around. I think we both stressed out with Milo and Zuzu because we both were in weddings so soon after their births. I ended up looking terrible anyway, so I wish I hadn't worried so much about it. You always lose weight SO fast, so I bet it'll melt off regardless!

    I'm so sorry you feel like you don't have anyone you can talk about breastfeeding with. I know you did everything you could with Zuzu, so I don't think you should feel guilty about it. I think, in some ways, I had it really easy...my mom didn't breastfeed so she didn't think it was a big deal if I didn't and my closest friend (you :]) was bottle-feeding, so I felt like I had a really great support system if it didn't end up working out. Plus, as I think I've mentioned to you before, most of the women in our church were bottle-feeding (partly because we had a lot of adoptive moms in our church, but there were also many moms who'd just given birth who bottle-fed...two out of three of the pastor's wives bottle-fed). I knew because of that I would have no judgment about it. I think you had a lot more pressure. I hope you know that I love you either way...if it doesn't work out, definitely don't allow yourself to experience any guilt over it! In the end, I think it worked out perfectly because it would be almost impossible (in my opinion) to breastfeed exclusively and work full-time...I know when Tori started working after Brayden was born, they transitioned to formula even though breastfeeding worked for her. You're a great mom and you should believe nothing less! Anyway...this is a really long comment... :)

  2. I completely understand your feelings about nursing again; I have thought often about how I will handle it when we have another baby. I definitely plan to try to breastfeed again, but I can't figure out yet if I will feel less or more disappointed if it doesn't work out the second time around. I hope and pray it works out for you! There is one blog that I read written by a woman who had a horrible time nursing her first baby, but she is doing really well with the second one, so there is hope! It is good you are already thinking and preparing for it. I will be praying for that specifically, and that God will give you peace no matter how everything turns out.

  3. i know what you mean, its hard to say--i think i'll be less disappointed because i can't make myself believe that it really will work out, and last time i really thought it would. thanks for praying for me in this area--i mainly just want to be ok whether it works or not, since i know that it not working doesn't *really* effect anything (just look at the awesomeness of my zu!)