6.10.2011

( lately )

a few weeks ago i started writing again. so my plan for two months off became one month; i need my writing more than it needs me.

it feels good to write. good like when i give my husband a hug and smell his hair and skin. oh i can't describe this type of thing, you'd just have to know it. 

and it feels good to Do Something. something that i love, that i've done for a long time. it helps, when in a season of what seems sometimes to be indefinite waiting.

we've had a few disappointments this month--in May we thought God was leading us in one direction, only to hear, clearly, that it wasn't right.

on one hand, it is amazing to hear such a resounding answer to prayer; on the other, the answer wasn't the answer we'd hoped for. the cloud stayed over the mountain.

and we make other plans. we're praying that God will be so clear with us again--we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps (Prov. 16:9)

we're looking. praying, asking what he would have us do. planning, because we have to. and with all of it, we add on a "Lord willing"

my husband always prays make the decision easy, even if the path is hard. we've gone on some hard, and rewarding, paths before. we're not afraid to go on one again.

but i don't believe it will be so terribly hard--we have so many blessings, even in this "fallback" plan--all that we've needed, the Lord has provided.

so, all in all, we've ( and mainly I, my husband has more faith and less trouble in this area ) been through a confusing few weeks, but are growing less fearful

i keep in mind that the Lord knows we need these things, and we've never been without our dailybread. that worry can't make me grow an inch taller.

and so we're turning, or trying at least, this time of waiting into a time of rest and anticipation for the next Grand Adventure.

swimming, shakespeare in the park, good books, window-shopping, long walks when the sun goes down and the day cools off. laying out our tentative little plans like a gardener plants a seed and hopes, oh hopes, that it will grow.

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