growing pains

i'm not particularly tall now, but i was tall-as-a-boy in elementary (oh the cool-points i earned from that...). in bed at night i'd toss and turn, my legs aching at the bone from growing fast. the past couple days i've been aching at the bone.

the weight of my blessings is about ten pounds + twenty-five, according to their last pediatrician appointments. when june spends the entire night nursing then sleeping with her head rested on my chest, i feel how heavy she was resting there, i feel crushed in. i get up and i can feel the lightness of breathing without her little dumpling body curled ontop of mine.

so much of the first six weeks is the hardest because it is relentless. one night of bad sleep is not so bad until it is compounded with a week straight of dicey sleep. i had it easy with zu--she started sleeping through the night at six weeks, like a switch was flipped, while june stays up with me every night til 1 then wakes up every two hours to nurse, like clockwork. she doesn't know any better--in fact, i'm pretty sure she's loving the quiet, dark house,  propped up on my lap with her plump baby thighs resting on my stomach. she watches me and smiles and makes baby noises until she can't quite keep her eyes open anymore. 

i'm pretty sure i'm doing everything wrong as far as sleep-training this one goes. she's different from zu--if she's fussy, she just wants cuddles and nursing and closeness--zu wanted to move and get walked around and sit up on her own.

i love these reminders though of God's creativity--how we're all individuals from the very start. i know there are books upon books i could check out, "baby manuals," on how to "fix" it, but, like my mom says, no so-called baby expert has as much expertise in the field of June Eloise as her momma.

we'll figure it out.